I am very confused today and a bit fucked off as well. I know allot of people rant about these thing, but seriously world WTF?
Okey everybody that knows me also know that I'm not very skinny, neither am I fat I am just in the wasteland in between.
Anyway, last week I went out to find myself a pair of new jeans/trousers (I haven't worn trousers in year because non of them will fit me, simple as that). So I went to a few different places, but like always nothing fits. I walk out of my house with good self-esteem and came back with none. So I thought ok f*ck this and swallowed my pride and ordered clothes from a plus-size online shop (?) Today the clothes arrived, and hear this, according to various size guides I am supposed to be a size 18 (EU 46) ?!!!?!?!??!?!?!??!!!!!!!! And I thought that I can't possibly be that deluded so I ordered a size 16. And today then, the freaking clothes look like TENTS!!! And I am supposed to be even a size bigger than that? Is it just me or is there something wrong with the size guides maybe? Ans the fact that this f*cked up society even can get me to think that I am a plus-size because nothing fits me in the shops is even more screwed!
H&M used to be my favourite shop of all times. If I couldn't find anything anywhere else, then I could always find SOMETHING in H&M. But what they've done now disgusts me. First of all everyone knows that H&M's sizes have become extremely small lately, I've got old tops from H&M size 12 (EU38) that I can still wear, but if I try that size on today I can barely get them over my hands. So what they have done now is that that have translated all the sizes wrong size 12 is now a size 40, size 14 is 42, size 16 is 44 and size 18 (which then don't sell at all) is 46. So there! Make "big people" (a.k.a. normal people) fell bigger than they are and still not be able to fit in to your freaking clothes.

I like the skin I am in but every day you get fed with these skinny almost boy looking girls, and told that this is the way you should look. Well I have had enough and I only got one thing to say BIG IS BEAUTIFUL.

VS    

The girls on the left is the ideal for run-way models today and the two girls on the right are considered plus-size models. Can you see where things went wrong here or is it just me?

I much prefer to look at models like Whitney Thompson and Crystal Renn to Kate Moss and similar models...

I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with skinny people I just think that media is giving us "big" girls the wrong message and that no matter what you look like you should love the skin you're in.

That's enough ranting for one day.

/Emz

So I thought it was time for a little update since it's been so long now. I've been very busy lately with uni work and such so I have totally forgotten about my blog and to be honest I haven't had time either, so there. Anyway, my second year at Swansea Met is coming to an end and I am falling out of 3D more and more. I know it sounds bad, but it's ok. I will finish my degree and even though my passion for it is getting less and less by each day I still some how manage to hit the top grades in everything. I just can't do anything by half measures and even though I'm not 100% dedicated, I still am a perfectionist. I'm still so happy that I took this course. It has shown me a new path, the path to happiness and self respect. I know now what I am capable off and I now have my own business and well, I haven't made any big money yet but I am planning to this summer. My drive is stronger than it's ever been before. I have so much energy that it sometimes feel like I could just take off and fly. Few things weigh me down these days and to feel this happy is honestly something I never thought I would feel. I have the most amazing boyfriend that I soon will be married to. And in not to long there will be a couple of toddlers running around to. I can't wait to have kids. I yearn for it! I see my friends pop out kids one after the other hahaha and now I want that to.

Speaking off my friends, god do I miss you! Some of you I haven't seen in nearly a year, and I am starting to feel the pinch now, it actually hurts a bit. I miss having someone to phone just to talk about everything and nothing. Someone to come over for a couple of beers on our lovely balcony and just talk till the sun goes down, then lit my lanterns take a couple of blankets out and just continue till early in the morning. Talking about old times.... I miss that. Never have I been away from friends for so long. I should probably stop now because I'm getting to sensitive and start sobbing.

Anyway, I have been working allot on our small but now amazing balcony and also allot in the apartment to give it that personal touch. I had some money over on my student loan so I thought ah why not. Here goes:

I've re-painted the ugly mirror we had in the hallway and it came out lovely...

Also filled the place with orchids... how I love orchids, they are probably the most amazing flowers there is...

The lounge window (the small one haven't done the big one yet, need a drill to get the curtain rails up first, but I'll show you that ones it's done)

"Can you get the plague from loving someone too much?"

Our little flowers from last year are slowly coming back to life...

The balcony now has lanterns and flowers all over it and it is so peaceful to sit out there. The first evening just after finishing re-potting and sorting I sat out there for 4 hrs just listening to the sound of the waves...

Hopefully these will climb all over the balcony and make it even nicer...

...this is our view, it's something else...

And when the dark sets in my lanterns makes it a little bit lighter...

This is our elevator and that is my future husband :-S

The bridge leading to one of our favourite café's...

And that's that for now. I feel more than a million dollars and life is smiling at me right now.

/Emz